Mar. 2000 Bridgewater, NJ No. 2.0


Hello again! By popular demand, I've cranked out another issue of the e-Nigma (or was it that I just had some time on my hands?) This time around, I had more contributions from the Krewe; beside the filler that I wrote myself, we have stuff from Gabby, G Natural, Hot, and Lunch Boy. Yowza.

Included are ten new flats, plus two computer-nerd flats that appeared in the Enigma.

Of course, I'd still love to have more material from you so I can put together another issue, so if you're a computer geek, please contribute.

Same as it ever was. Tagging is just like in The Enigma, except I won't bother to note when rubrics or readings contain computer-oriented material that isn't MW. Surf, solve, and enjoy.

Enter solution:

Here's one whose nerd coefficient is quite low--it could easily run in the regular Enigma.

1. REBUS (7 2 3 2)
The engineer used PL/1
To get his problem-solving done,
But as of now, his biggest prob
Was lots of dough he owed the mob.
He coded some financial apps
To try to fill his fiscal gaps,
But stock projections all fell short,
And so he tried his last resort:
Escape. But as he packed his trunk,
His door was kicked in with a "thunk,"
And two big thugs said, "Lie down, please."
He did, and then they broke his knees.
"How sad," he thought, "My chance is gone
To win the New York Marathon,
Because, unlike my program code,
Enter solution:

Somewhat anachronistic already, as you can download Treesong's 'zine from our Web site nowadays. But hey, I wrote this at a time when you couldn't.

2. METATHESIS (1-*3*3, 7) (CARP = 1-*3*3 = NPL-inferable?)

Ere Treesong puts his 'zine online
I'll beat him to the punch--
I'll upload comments (mine! just mine!);
I'll thusly eat his lunch.

I'll stick my version on the Web;
I'll put it on our host.
Its issues read by every pleb
But only I can post!

I'll praise my puzzles to the sky
And other puzzlers rap.
And soon the Krewe will tell me: "Guy,
Your CARP are full of CRAP!"
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

SECONDLY isn't in some older print 10Cs, but you can find it in the e-10C.

3. ENIGMATIC REBADE (5, 5, 5, 5, 4)
"Cyber-Buck's," not "Starbuck's," is the place I like to go;
I sit and chat, or relay-chat--the pace is nice and slow.
It's here I like to write my flats--I get these super THIRDLY
While sipping on a SECONDLY. If for my latest wordly
Masterpiece, I must research, say, FOURTHLY, balms and ointments,
I surf awhile, and then--voilà! (I've had few disappointments.)
"Cyber-Buck's" is more or less my pied-à-terre, you know.
Why, simply sitting here, I get a LAST of FIRSTLY glow.
=GABBY, Winnipeg MB
Enter solution:

You need to either be browsing with Netscape or have JavaScript enabled under IE to see the rubric here.

4. PHONETIC REBUS (*3 *7) (familar variant of 10C entry; reading involves non-MW pronunciation)

Fish out a fin and scan the pan--
Who's there? Of course, it's (honest!) MAN.
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

XOT = Xemu / Hot.

5. HETERONYM (1.3, 4) (CIRCUMFLEX = 4; neither MW)

My Paris client said, "Chéri,
Ecrit a logiciel pour me.
A program worthy of DeMille:
Great effects et simple plot."
(My C compiler calls it DOT,
It's due by CIRCUMFLEX 2000.)
=XOT, Brikeley NA
Enter solution:

You need to have Java enabled to see the rubric, pals.

6. ENIGMATIC REBUS (*5 4 *1-3 [2 5]) (*5 = not MW; non-MW usage in reading)
Hoover? Freeh? A bunch of lazy slobs--
Let's give those guys' job to Steven Jobs!
I'd ask him if he'd switch, but what's the use?
He'd rather be the CEO of NOOSE.
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

Likely to cause IGIBIDGI for many.

7. PHONIGMATIC REBUS (*4 *9) (not MW)
". . . is an internet portfolio of bed and breakfast and self-catering accommodation in South Africa."
In: Ehud.
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

8. ENIGMATIC REBUS (9) (non-MW material in reading)
Sifting through the internet I came across a site
Advertising healthful snack food; "Try one! Take a bite!"
It said, "If you're allergic, friend, to products made with wheat,
You'll love our WEB PAGE cakes and cookies--best that you could eat!"
=G NATURAL, Brooklyn NY
Enter solution:

If you don't have JavaScript (and a fairly recent version?) there's no way you're ever going to see the rubric. O'Reilly, by the way, is the publisher of all those books with the animals on the cover that computer nerds love to read.

click me
My friends like to party and paint the town red,
But I like to program computers instead.
When they all go out for a beer or a daiquiri,
I stay at home doing JavaScript hackery.
They like to curl up in the arms of a lover,
While I read O'Reilly books cover to cover.
I showed them this puzzle to prove I'm no nerd;
They told me, in chorus, "Oh Xemu, MY WORD!"
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

This one is quite nerdy--probably too nerdy for the Enigma, though not computer-related at all.

10. ENIGMATIC REBUS (9 2 5: 8)
A woman may opine,
"I'm only thirty-nine,"
In a line that has become a time-worn classic.
This fib, with all its vanity,
Is older than humanity;
It dates to reptiles back in the Triassic:
Alas, has left her cheek--
Blame time, that thief, whose flight's more swift than rockets'.
O faded bloom of youth!
She's a little long of tooth,
But thank God they're still inserted in their sockets!
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

A reprint from the regular Enigma, where it was KUed

11. PHONIGMATIC REBUS (*6 1. *5) (* words not MW usage, + stuff in reading, non MW-stuff in rubric)
ça va?
Front Page Redmond headline screams:
"Melinda wants to call it quits!"
She wants divorce, because, it seems
William doesn't have the bits.

Melinda says that Bill, in bed,
Does not Excel when sheets are spread;
Word is that when his shorts are doffed,
His PowerPoint is Microsoft.

"At conversation, Bill's the pits.
He's so predictable, cliché:
The same at every breakfast, it's,
'Where do you want to go today?'"

Then Melinda adds, "Of course,
I'll make him pay at our divorce,
Because the nerdy wunderkind owes
Much to me for doing Windows."

The Road Ahead looks pretty rocky--
William doesn't feel so cocky.
They're televising SOL, you see:
It's on both Court and Web-TV!
=XEMU, Bridgewater NJ
Enter solution:

A classic, reprinted from the Enigma.


A dillar, a dollar,
An Ivy League scholar,
On Kafka or Mahler
We've experts galore:
We've cryptozoologists,
Jiangsu Sinologists
Chatting in *FOUR,

Linnaean taxonomists,
Welfare economists,
ONE-fed agronomists,
Scholars of art
Who study Bernini,
Van Eyck's Arnolfini
(And how he was THREE), Ne-
O-cubists, and Chartres.

Do such lectures seem mythic? A
Tad monolithic? A-
Las, some find Ithaca
Too far to go.
TWO, our profs, you should know, dem-
Iweekly upload 'em.
So fire up your modem
And visit FOUCAULT!
=TRAZOM, San Francisco CA
Save sols on my computer

Enjoyed these puzzles? Hated them? Want to submit some of your own? Just send me mail.

Last modified Friday, March 10 2000 by Xemu